And it’s not really crying itself, but crying openly—publicly—just feels like a major no-no. In other words, it’s okay to cry as long as no one else sees it. And growing up, my mom never let me cry in public. While those tears were usually associated with something I’d done wrong, it ingrained in me a discomfort with public displays of vulnerability. My mom was a soldier and a single mother of 4; I didn’t see her cry until I was a teenager. She was hard on the exterior—hard to relate to, hard to understand, but I knew she loved me. And now, in my adulthood, I understand her plight. Being a woman in the army, she was forbidden the freedom of crying, so it was only natural that she instinctively taught us the same behavior.